"By an act of mercy from Allah, you O’ Prophet were gentle in your dealings with them – had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you – so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in Allah: Allah loves those who put their trust in Him?” (Quran 3:159)
And Allah (swt) says in the Quran:
اَفَلَا يَتَدَبَّرُوۡنَ الۡقُرۡاٰنَؕ وَلَوۡ كَانَ مِنۡ عِنۡدِ غَيۡرِ اللّٰهِ لَوَجَدُوۡا فِيۡهِ اخۡتِلَافًا كَثِيۡرًا
Do they not ponder about the Qur'an? Had it been from any other than Allah, they would surely have found in it much inconsistency.
وَلَا تَقۡفُ مَا لَـيۡسَ لَـكَ بِهٖ عِلۡمٌ ؕ اِنَّ السَّمۡعَ وَالۡبَصَرَ وَالۡفُؤَادَ كُلُّ اُولٰۤـئِكَ كَانَ عَنۡهُ مَسۡـُٔوۡلًا
Allah (SWT) said : "And follow not (O man, i. e., say not , or do not or witness not,etc.) That of which you have no knowledge e.g. one's saying: "I have seen," while in fact he has not seen, or "I have heard", while he has not heard. Verily! The hearing, and the sight, and the heart, of each of those you will be questioned (by Allah )" (Quran 17:36)
THE MANNERS OF SPEECH:
1. Preserving One's Tongue
The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Verily, a slave says a word, without contemplating (its implications), and because of it, he slips into the Hellfire further that the distance between the east and the west."
References: Al-Bukhaaree(6477).
Mu'aadh Ibn Jabal asked the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) about the deeds that make one enter Paradise and that keep away from the Hellfire, the Prophet (pbuh)mentioned the pillars of Islam, some other good deeds,and then he (pbuh) said, " Shall I not inform you of what strengthens and prefect all that?" The Prophet (pbuh) then took hold of his tongue, and said, "Hold this back(from evil speech)."
References: AT-TRIMIDHi(2616)
2. SPEAK GOOD WORDS OR REMAIN SILENT
Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah Apostle related that The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, Anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbor, and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should entertain his guest generously and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet. (i.e. abstain from all kinds of evil and dirty talk).
References: Bukhari(6018).
3. GOOD SPEECH IS CHARITY
Adele Ibn Haatim: Allah Apostle related that the Prophet (pbuh) said, "Ward off the Hellfire,even if it is with half a date(by giving it in chairty); and if one cannot find(even) that, then with a good word." References: An-Nassai (2553).
4. THE MERITS OF LIMITING ONE'S SPEECH AND THE BLAMEWORTHINESS OF TALKING TO MUCH
Jaabir Ibn Abdullah:Allah Apostle reported that the Messengers of Allah (pbuh) said, "Indeed the most beloved among you to me, and the nearest to sit with me on the Day of Judgment is the best of you in character. And indeed, the most disliked among you to me, and the one sitting furthest from me on the Day of Judgement are the Thartharun, and the Mutashaddiqun and the Muthafaihiqun." They said: "O Messenger of Allah! We know about the Thartharun, and the Mutashaddiqun, but what about the Muthafaihiqun?"' He said:"The arrogant."
References: At-Trimidhi from the hadeeth of Jaabir Allah Apostle (2018).
5. THE PROHIBITION OF BACKBITING AND SLANDER
يٰۤـاَيُّهَا الَّذِيۡنَ اٰمَنُوا اجۡتَنِبُوۡا كَثِيۡرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ اِنَّ بَعۡضَ الظَّنِّ اِثۡمٌ وَّلَا تَجَسَّسُوۡا وَلَا يَغۡتَبْ بَّعۡضُكُمۡ بَعۡضًا ؕ اَ يُحِبُّ اَحَدُكُمۡ اَنۡ يَّاۡكُلَ لَحۡمَ اَخِيۡهِ مَيۡتًا فَكَرِهۡتُمُوۡهُ ؕ وَاتَّقُوا اللّٰهَ ؕ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيۡمٌ
Allah(SWT) said : "And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it(so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful" QURAN [49:12]
The Prophet (pbuh) said that backbiting is "to mention your brother with something that he dislikes", Someone asked, suppose what I say about my brother is true?" The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) answered, "If what you said about him is true, then you have backbitten him; and "If what you said about him is not true, then you have slandered him." Reference: Abu Daawood(4880).
6. THE PROHIBITION OF RELATING ALL THAT ONE HEARS.
Abu Hurairah Allah Apostle related that the Prophet (pbuh) said,ِ "It is sufficient sin for a person to relate all that he hears." [OR] "A person is sufficiently considered to be lying when he relates all that he hears." Reference: Abu Daawood(4992).
7. A WARNING OF THE DANGERS OF LYING
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَكُونُوا مَعَ الصَّادِقِينَ
Allah (SWT) said: "O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah,and be with those who are true(in words and deeds)" QURAN [9:119]
Abu Hurairah Allah Apostle related that the Messengers of Allah (pbuh) said, The signs of a hypocrite are three: Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; and whenever he promises, he breaks his promise; and whenever he is entrusted, he betrays his trust. Reference: Bukhaaree (6095).
Lying is permissible in three matters - References:Bukhari(2692)
Bringing people together and resolving differences between them.
Lying during a war.
When a man speaks to his wife or when a woman speaks to her husband[to appease him or her and to bring harmony to their relationship]
8. THE PROHIBITION OF LEWDNESS, OBSCENITY,AND FOUL LANGUAGE
Ibn Masood Allah Apostle reported that Prophet (pbuh) said The believer does not insult the honor of others, nor curse, nor commit Fahishah,(i.e. do not transgress the proper etiquette of conversation),nor is he foul. THE 3 effects of cursing and damning other in one's supplications
A friend should not be curses.
The cursers will neither be witnesses nor intercessors on the Day of Resurrection.
Do not curse the wind, for it is commanded by Allah (SWT).
And when one curse something (or someone)that is not delivering of that, the curse returns upon him. References: Muslim[2597], Muslim [2598] & At-Trimidhi [1978]
The Messengers of Allah (pbuh) Said -
● Cursing a believer is like killing him.
● The greatest of major sins for a man is to curse his parents.
Reference: Bukhaaree [6047] & Bukhaaree [5973]
9. THE SUPERIORITY OF REFRAINING FROM ARGUMENTATION EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT
Abu Umaamah Allah Apostle reported that the Messengers of Allah said, "I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he is right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good." Reference: Bukhari(5973)
10. IT IS FORBIDDEN TO LIE IN ORDER TO MAKE OTHERS LAUGH
Muaawiyah Ibn Haidah Allah Apostle reported that he heard the Messengers of Allah (pbuh) say, "Woe to him who tells things, speaking falsely, to make people laugh . Woe to him! Woe to him!." Reference: Abu Daawood(4990)
11. WHEN YOUR MUSLIM BROTHER SPEAKS TO YOU AND TURNS AROUND [ AS IF TO SEE THAT NO ONE IS AROUND ], WHAT HE SAYS IS A TRUST WITH YOU, WHICH YOU MUST KEEP SECRET.
Jaabir Ibn Abdullah Allah Apostle reported that Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, "When a man speaks and then urns (As if to see that no one is around), when he says is a trust (i.e., it is a trust, just as if he said outright that he was about to tell you a secret)." Reference: Abu Dawood (4868).
12. THE ELDEST IS GIVEN PRECEDENCE IN SPEECH
Abdur-Rahman bin Sahl, Huwaiyisa and Muhaiyisa, the two sons of Mas`ud , came to the Prophet (pbuh) Abdur-Rahman who was the youngest among them, began to speak. The Prophet said(pbuh) "Let the oldest one speak(first)."This occurred when the Prophet (pbuh) said to his Companions Allah Apostle, Inform me of a tree, which resembles a Muslim, giving its fruits at every season by the permission of its Lord, and the leaves of which do not fall. Ibn Umar Allah Apostle knew the answer to this question, for he later said, " Its occurred to me that it is the date tree, but I disliked to speak when Abu Bakr and Umar Allah Apostle were there without any of them speaking. The Prophet (pbuh) then said, 'It is the date-tree.' When I came out with my father, (Umar Allah Apostle) I said, 'O father! It came to my mind that it was the date-palm tree. He said, What prevented you from saying it? Had you said it, it would have been more dearer to me than such-and-such a thing (fortune). I said, Nothing prevented me but the fact that neither you nor Abu Bakr spoke, so I disliked to speak (in your presence). References: Bukhari 6142, 6143 & 6144.
13. DO NOT INTERRUPT OR CUT OFF SOMEONE WHILE HE IS SPEAKING
Narrated Abu Huraira: While the Prophet was saying something in a gathering, a Bedouin came and asked him, When would the Hour (Doomsday) take place? Allah's Apostle continued his talk, so some people said that Allah's Apostle had heard the question, but did not like what that Bedouin had asked. Some of them said that Allah's Apostle had not heard it. When the Prophet finished his speech, he said, Where is the questioner, who inquired about the Hour (Doomsday)? The Bedouin said, I am here, O Allah's Apostle .Then the Prophet said, "When the trust is lost, await the Hour." The Bedouin said, How will that be lost? The Prophet said, "When the power or authority comes in the hands of unfit persons, then wait for the Hour (Doomsday.) Reference: Bukhari (59)
14. SPEAK SLOWLY, DELIBERATELY, AND SUCCINCTLY
Narrated `Urwa bin Az-Zubair: `Aisha said (to me), Don't you wonder at Abu so-and-so who came and sat by my dwelling and started relating the traditions of Allah's Apostle intending to let me hear that, while I was performing an optional prayer. He left before I finished my optional prayer. Had I found him still there. I would have said to him, 'Allah's Apostle never talked so quickly and vaguely as you do.' Reference: Bukhaaree(3568)
15. SPEAK IN A LOW VOICE
وَاقۡصِدۡ فِىۡ مَشۡيِكَ وَاغۡضُضۡ مِنۡ صَوۡتِكَؕ اِنَّ اَنۡكَرَ الۡاَصۡوَاتِ لَصَوۡتُ الۡحَمِيۡرِ
Allah (SWT) said :- "And lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voice is the voice (braying) of the ass." Quran [31:19]
16. WORDS AND PHRASES THAT YOU SHOULD AVOID
■ Avoid using words which say or imply that another person is a disbeliever , an innovator in the religion, or an evildoer unless of course you have clear proofs.
■ Avoid saying, " The people are destroyed ." The Prophet Allah Apostle said, "When a man says,"The people are destroyed, then he is most destroyed among them."
■ Do not take an oath by anyone other than Allah (swt). Messengers of Allah (Allah Apostle) said, "Whosoever swears by other than Allah, has disbelieved or associate partners with Allah in worship. " Reference: At-Trimidhi (1535)
وَلَا تَقُوۡلُوۡا لِمَا تَصِفُ اَلۡسِنَـتُكُمُ الۡكَذِبَ هٰذَا حَلٰلٌ وَّهٰذَا حَرَامٌ لِّـتَفۡتَرُوۡا عَلَى اللّٰهِ الۡكَذِبَؕ اِنَّ الَّذِيۡنَ يَفۡتَرُوۡنَ عَلَى اللّٰهِ الۡكَذِبَ لَا يُفۡلِحُوۡنَؕ
"And say not concerning that which your tongues put forth faslely:"This is lawful and this is forbidden, " so as to invent lies against Allah. Verily, those who invent lies against Allah will never prosper." QURAN (16:116).
Rest Allah knows best.
Source: Quran, Sunnah, The Book of Manners